Pregnancy Disaster: Akatsuki Style
by animeFREAK1996
Summary: Oh, no! The only female Akatsuki member went and got herself laid! Now, it is up to Pain to find the culprit! Who will it be? Deidara? Hidan? Sasori? And just what about Tobi? The suspense begins as Pain plays detective to solve this 1st degree case!


**A/N: Yo! It's everyone's favorite chibi girl, Kohaku-chan here, with, of course, A CRACK FIC! Hey… don't judge meh! It's called boredom, people! **_Dang right! Boredom is our one-and-only archenemy!_**Hey! Stay out of this one, Yori! You didn't write this story! Oh, hey! I rhymed! **_No, but I helped to edit, and added my oh-so-awesome two cents in it! Besides, you couldn't write in perfect punctuation to save your life! Not to mention grammar, capitalization, paragraph structure…_**Oh, STFU! On with the story! _We do not own Naruto!_ Because if we did… well… poor Karin. **_And every other character we hate._

At the Akatusiki hideout all the members were cowering in fear at the bipolar konan. "Where is my ice-cream? And I said I wanted tacos!" All the members went running to the kitchen or to the store to get what there female, and now pregnant, partner wanted.

"Who was the dumbass that got konan pregnant?" screamed pain. All the members suddenly froze in fear when the dreaded question came. "Everyone, in line!" As the rest of the members got in a line, Pain started the questioning. One by one, leader pulled them out of line to a dark room with just a chair, a table, and only one blinking light

"Kakuzu, you first!" As Kakuzu walked into the room, Pain started his questioning. "Was it you?" He questioned, glaring at the old man, offering him a glare that would put the Uchiha's to shame. Kakuzu was so scared, that he thought he would wet his pants. The shinobi gave himself a mental pep talk, trying to convince himself that he would not fear his leader. Therefore, he stood up face to face with his leader… and got on his knees and started crying! It wasn't me! I swear! Konan didn't even come near me! She said my tentacles freaked her out! I swear *hic* it *hic* wasn't *hic* me!"

Pain pondered for a moment on whether or not he could believe the old fart. In the end, he decided to believe him because he saw that the man feared him too much to impregnate his precious Konan-chan. As Pain walked out of the room, he heard screaming.

"It was f*cking you!"

"It was you, hm! You and your stupid horny-ness!"

"You!"

"No, you!" He heard the rest of the members accusing each other.

"Next is Sasori!" Pain declared.

Sasori trudged in with a terrified look in his eyes. _He looks awfully suspicious. Hmmm…_ "So, was it you?" Pain asked while glaring at Sasori.

"N-n-no! I s-swear it w-w-wasn't me!" Sasori began to stutter. "And any way, we all know that I'm a puppet. I can't reproduce because my… "ahem"… part is made of wood." Sasori explained with more confidence.

"Oh, right! I forgot!" Pain said, slapping his forehead. _At least I know Mr. Wood-Cock isn't the father of konan-chan's child. Fyewww! _Pain thought, a bit relieved, but the search wasn't over yet! When he found the one responsible, he would #!%~ and &*%$, then he would finish him off by *censored * _Ha! That would certainly scar him for life!_ He thought happily. After Sasori, it was Deidara's turn.

As he walked in the dark, scary room, he was bombarded with questions "Was it you?" " Are you sure you're a guy?" "Can you even have a child?

That was all it took to make the blond young 'boy' to explode. "HELL YEAH IM A BOY, HM!" He snapped. "I SURE AS HELL CAN MAKE A CHILD WITH… uh" Deidara stopped on the spot when he saw the look that Pain was giving him. He knew that if he kept going, no one would ever find his body again. Pain wasn't the leader for nothing.

"You were saying?" The livid leader asked while raising his eyebrow.

"No, hm! I was just explaining that I could have a child if I wanted to, but I swear that I am not the father of the child, hm. " Deidara clarified, with his sweat forming a river down his brow, while backing off towards the nearest exit.

Pain looked at him skeptically, wondering if he should believe him. In the end, he let him go because he didn't think that Konan would like a guy who looks so much like a girl, and said the words 'hm', 'yeah' and 'bang' all the time because it seriously got annoying and totally ruined his image. _Eww! I don't think Konan would like that weirdo. With the whole hand thing, I wonder if he makes out with them. Hmmm…_

While pain was in deep thought, Deidara used that time to escape. "I feel sorry for the poor guy who impregnated konan with Pain around, yeah" Deidara muttered under his breath. Next was 'him', the one who he was sure did this horrid thing to his poor and fragile konan-chan.

"HIDAN YOUR NEXT!" Pain demanded. _This one's the prime suspect!_ He thought. As Hidan walked into the interrogation room, he started complaining.

"What the f*ck do you want, b*tch?" He started shouting. The leader just ignored him, and then started his questioning.

"Was it you?" He asked, throwing his strongest and scariest glare he had.

"Why the f*ck are you asking?" Hidan wondered, with a puzzled look. After a few seconds, he remembered. "Oh, your asking me if I f*cked your b*tch, right?" At this, Pain's eyebrow started twitching. He had just called his beautiful and pure konan a b*tch!

"Nah, it wasn't me who f*cked the b*tch, but f*ck! I wish I had! Have you seen her? Damn! She's f*cking _fine_! I would have $%^# and then *&%$# and…" While Hidan was explaining *ahem* positions, he failed to notice the killing aura around his leader until it was too late.

"Oh, shit…" Hidan's screaming with maniacal laughter was all that could be heard from outside. After a few minutes, Pain came out looking like the guy on Chainsaw Massacre, and Hidan was no were to be found.

When it was Zetsu's turn, he just shrugged and told him to leave because he was 100% sure it could never have been him. Zetsu, on the other hand, looked a little pissed and sad that he would be completely counted out. He felt neglected, so he turned around to his little emo corner and started mumbling about how no one loved him and other stuff. While he was at it, he also counted out Kisame. "I mean, seriously! He's a fish! And Tobi! The kid's psycho! Man! And we are all S class criminals for goodness' sake!" The last to be interrogated was the famous Uchiha, which Pain was absolutely convinced was the culprit. _He's the last one, so it has to be him._ Pain thought.

"So it was you, Uchiha?" The leader, who was in a state of livid hysteria, hollered. The bored Uchiha just looked at his leader with his mangekyo sharingan, and said a simple,"No". Pain was furious. _How dare he? Itachi was clearly the one who did it, yet he says a simple 'no'! _

"What do you mean, 'no'? Of course it was you! You're the only one left!" before Itachi could reply, Pain heard strange noises coming from konan's room. He was so worried something had happened to his delicate paper rose, so he ran off to the room. When he opened the door, he saw the most shocking thing that would haunt his memories as long as his 6 bodies could live. Konan and Tobi… well… use your imagination, yeah?

"What the f*ck!" Pain shrieked in horror. Tobi heard this, and he turned slowly to see a completely furious Pain with fire in his eyes, and the most frightening glare in the history of frightening glares; one that could evaporate solid metal. He could almost taste the bloodlust taking over the leader of the Akatsuki.

"T-t-t-t-t-tobi's a-a g-g-g-good b-boy..?" The culprit attempted a smile, and though nobody could actually see it, it was obviously twitching like mad. Konan spent the next hour watching a scene of intense blood and gore, with a bored look on her face, thinking, _I want some chicken._ Poor Tobi. Nobody ever heard from him again.

~Nine mons later~

"Come on, hm!" Deidara yelled. "Just push!" All of the Akatsuki were now huddled around the hospital bed Konan lay on, giving birth. Nearly everyone, however, had their eyes closed and their fingers in their ears, desperately trying not to get sick.

"I am pushing!" Konan hollered. Her howl was followed by a pained grunt, and the sound of a baby's cries. Pain was doubled over and staring at the floor, thinking that he was going to be sick. It wasn't because of the disgusting scene, but because he knew that if the child didn't resemble Konan, it would surely resemble a certain other. Though he knew it would hurt to see the spawn of another man in her beloved's arms, he slowly turned to see the baby.

In Konan's arms, he found what was truly unexpected. It had spiky, blond hair! It also had a face that so closely resembled someone he knew, but who could it be? It was none other than one of his worst enemies: Naruto Uzumaki! When Konan noticed the look on Pain's face, she mumbled a nervous, "I thought you knew..?"

"UZUMAKI!" The leader exclaimed, nearly busting a lung in the process. And _that_ is the _real_ reason why Pain had his members hunt down jinchuurikis, especially Naruto.

**A/N: Here it is, folks! My first co-fic with Yori-Sama! _Ha! NarutoXkonan! Bet ya never heard of that one before! And,__ hey! You forgot to talk about how totally and utterly awesome I am!_ Let's be real here. You don't even believe yourself on this one. _Mk, fine. But I DID help a lot! I came up with the flipping ending!_ Whatevahzzz… Hope you enjoyed this little story of ours! Thank you for reading, and don't forget to review!**


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